Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Too much work and baby leads to insanity

These days I feel like I'm going nuts. I'm not sure what made me think I could do it all and be a super mom. I was told and read in many places that I was only setting myself up for failure if I attempt to do so much. No matter how much I was told I couldn't do it, I still wanted to try and now I'm starting to go insane. Day by day, the work and stress piles up. I'm also sleep deprived again because Tristan is having a hard time sleeping.

Last evening, I wanted 10 minutes alone to do something on the computer. During those 10 minutes, Tristan was crying at the top of his lungs downstairs with Jean-Louis. That stressed me out and I tried to do a few things but kind of messed things up so now I have to start over again. Having time to work is one thing but actually being productive is another. This past weekend, I actually spend a fair amount of time working but couldn't solve the problem I had for days. That just sucks.

Tristan can't really be with Jean-Louis at night because he is too fussy. The best time would be for me to try and work once Jean-Louis gets home from work since Tristan is happier then. Unfortunately, that doesn't work either because that is when I have to cook or get dinner ready. Jean-Louis can't really help in that department. In fact, I'm feeling a lot like a single parent these days since I'm doing most of the things at home. Jean-Louis tries to help where he can but unfortunately he can't do well in many areas. For instance, he can't even clip his own nails properly so I'm not going to dare let him try to clip Tristan's nails. I showed him how to use the nasal aspirator but it's tricky since Tristan moves a lot and he can easily be hurt. So, I think I'll just take care of that. Giving the vitamin D - me too since only half of it ends up in Tristan's mouth when Jean-Louis does it. Jean-Louis is giving more baths though, but with my assistance. It's not Jean-Louis' fault that he can't do these things. Some people are just much much better at it than others. In our case, he can't do it and I have to. If he was hired, I would have fired him long ago :)

In the evening, Daddy seems to turn into the Boogie Monster or something. Tristan is just terrified of Daddy. I went downstairs last evening to calm him down. He was shaking and his face was all wet. After he was calm, I tried to pass him over to Daddy who was sitting next to us the whole time. Nope. He started to freak out again. In fact, at some point, he was freaking out in my lap when Daddy only tried to touch him. Wow! So, maybe it's useless for me to try and work at night. If I can get work done, great. It's not this bad every day so we'll just see.

It sounds bad but things aren't all bad these days. When he is happy, Tristan is playful and smiley. He laughs more now. The past 2 weeks, he has just been very fascinated with his feet. He put his feet in his mouth a couple of times so far. I hear it's just a phase. He's not spitting up much anymore but he also doesn't feed often. It's much easier to take him out since he can go without food for 4-5 hours. It's a good thing because staying home and being frustrated with work and baby is driving me a little nuts. I'm actually starting to feel a bit nauseous from it all. I need to get out a bit.


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