Every mom gets criticized for something

I recently read an article called The Mom-Judging Olympics: A competition nobody meant to enter. It goes through results from their survey asking moms what kinds of behavior would make them judge another mom. 26 000 moms were surveyed and 90% of them would judge another mom. I hate to admit it but I would be one of them.

Have a bratty kid? 66% of moms will judge you. It depends on the circumstance but if you brought a bratty kid to fine dining, I would sure judge you. Tristan is mostly well behaved, which is why we can travel with him and dine out with him. If he were different, we would definitely stay home. Ruining it for others would only ruin it for us even more.

Breast-feeding your 3 year old? 43% would judge you. I don't think I would judge you. I breastfed Tristan and can now understand why some people can be attached to this. I have no problem with breastfeeding as a way to provide milk for thirst but if it were used simply to soothe a bratty child, I would judge you.

Have an overweight child? 37% would judge you and yup, I would too.

Give your kid junk food? 34% would judge you. I wouldn't if I saw this for the first time. We're even beginning to give Tristan a bit of junk food tastings here and there. Even though, there are a lot of things he has not tried and I hope he doesn't eat any time soon like cheezies, flavored chips, McDonald burgers, and pop. If I knew that you were feeding your kid junk food daily, I would totally judge you. If you were feeding your 6 month old junk food, I would totally judge you. But these are sort of different questions, aren't they? I make my own healthy meals so of course I would judge you.

Let your kid watch TV/play video games too much? 32% will judge you. I would judge you. There is no reason your child should be doing this too much.

Co-sleep with your child? 23% would judge you. I would judge you but not harshly. I remember bringing Tristan into bed with us maybe for a few hours a couple of times when he was a baby. We were super tired and just couldn't handle it. We felt guilty every time since we didn't want to develop a habit and have him not sleep in his own bed. It was part of us being scared of too much attachment. Lucky for us the few hours of bed sharing had no effect on his sleeping habits. He sleeps great in his own bed and has been there since day one :)

You work too much? 20% would judge you. I wouldn't judge you, assuming you have proper childcare arranged for your child. I am a work-at-home-mom but I do most, if not all of my work while Tristan is in daycare. Having said that, I really don't over work. If anything, I would love to work more!

Didn't try to breast-feed? 18% would judge you. I would judge you. Not breastfeeding because you find out you can't or it's not your thing is cool. If you don't even try and I mean really try, that's uncool. Breastmilk is the best thing for your baby. Everyone knows it. You got to at least give it a good try.

There is something that didn't make it on their top 9 list, which surprised me. It's something I know I would be judged harshly for. Do you let your child cry it out for sleep training? I did this and was criticized for it. I made the mistake of commenting on an attached parenting site about the issue and then I got bashed over here on my own blog. I was totally outnumbered over there! What was I thinking?

No matter what you do as a parent, there will always be something for someone to criticize. I feel like Jean-Louis and I are pretty solid good parents. We are strict, yet loving, and gentle with Tristan. He is well behaved, polite, average sized, and sleeps well on his own in his own bed. He was breastfed for just over a year but I would have gone longer if he wanted me to. I love to cook and bake so most of what Tristan consumes is healthy and balanced foods. He only drinks water and milk. We rarely give him junky foods and we have no TV so he doesn't watch at all. We do let him play on the iPad maybe 5 to 10 mins a week, which is really nothing. He can play with his toys alone and he loves to read with us. We receive compliments about him a lot and it always makes us proud :)


Overall, it seems like we have it really great here. Ah, wrong. We let him cry it out when we sleep trained him. He didn't end up crying much but we were dying inside when it happened. We yell at him. Sometimes we lose our temper in front of him. We sometimes remove all his food if he refuses to eat or try to eat. That means no food at all until the next meal, which could be more than 12 hours later. We bribe him a lot with things like sweets or a DVD movie if he eats all his main meal. And so on. Basically, there are a lot of things you can criticize me for about parenting. It doesn't bother me as much now that Tristan is 2 1/2 years old. It bothered me back then when he was still a baby and parenting was so new to me. I know what kind of parent I am now and I'm pretty happy about it and that's all that really matters.

Breastfeeding was a wonderful experience

My decision to stop breastfeeding was a hard one. I guess I just wasn't quite ready to give it up. It's strange really. It's as though one day I couldn't wait for it to end and the next day I would be totally bummed when the baby refused it. This whole breastfeeding journey was a bag of mixed emotions. I never quite realized how good I had it and how happy I was to have it until it was taken away from me. I never really appreciated breastfeeding and mostly just regarded it as something I should be doing and is healthy for both of us. Now that I think about it, it was wonderful spending quiet time cuddling with the baby while he drank my milk.

Over the past year, we became really attached over breastfeeding and I suppose I'm also going through separation anxiety now that he is rejecting me. I tried to breastfeed him for over 4 days now, without any luck. I would pump each time but each time there would be even less milk. I'm drying up and so instead of feeling sad and hoping for some kind of miracle each time, I think it's time to move on. Now without the breastfeeding, I sort of view him as a big boy. He is no longer the little baby I used to know. I mean, he still drinks milk from a bottle but he is just growing up so quickly. He will always be my little baby but, you know.

I never anticipated my end to breastfeeding would be so gloomy. I guess it is also because this is very likely going to be the end of my breastfeeding days forever too since Tristan will probably be our only child. Knowing that, I am even more grateful for having been able to breastfeed him for a year. Breastfeeding truly is a blessing and although challenging and painful, it is absolutely the greatest feeling to be able to provide your own milk for your baby.

Baby is on a nursing strike

Tristan does not want to be breastfed. 48 hours ago he started to freak out each time I would put him into position to feed. At first, it was just one side but now it is both sides. This has happened before but his refusal is much more aggressive this time around. I tweeted about it and was told by @AmberStrocel that he is likely on a nursing strike and that it is very common. Apparently, if it is really time to wean him, that would happen gradually over weeks or months. If he suddenly stops nursing, then it is probably a nursing strike. After reading more related stories on nursing strikes, I would have to agree that Tristan is on a nursing strike.

The question now is how long will I allow him to be on strike before I decide it is time to stop breastfeeding him? Most nursing strikes last for 2 to 4 days and it has already been 2 days for me. In the meantime, I am pumping milk so that my milk supply is still available when he goes off strike. I am still trying to nurse him at our usual times but it has been refusal after refusal. I always attempt both sides, then I try again in a different location like on the floor or in a different room. Nothing has worked. To be honest, I am feeling a bit depressed from it.

This whole breastfeeding journey has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Actually, it wasn't as difficult to learn as I anticipated but I had to endure a lot of pain. I had tons of blisters, breast infections, breast yeast infections, sickness for myself and the baby, and now I discover that this is the baby's second nursing strike. He actually started to freak out a bit just at the sight of the nursing chair tonight! I'm beginning to think he will never want to breastfeed again.

I find it surprising how I became so attached to breastfeeding. At first, the whole idea was a bit strange to me and I wasn't even sure if I would be comfortable doing it. Now that I have been doing it for so long, I can't seem to let go. I have already kept it up way longer than 6 months, which was my initial target. After that milestone, I said I would breastfeed as long as Tristan still wanted it and when the first nursing strike hit, I still persisted. I guess it really is that important to me. Or I just don't like to feel rejected. I don't think I could be one of those mom that could bare a nursing strike for weeks. Tristan is eating a lot of solids so I'm not too worried about him losing much weight. His consumption of milk is quite low but it has always been like that though. So the plan right now is to continue trying and pumping for another 48 hours, in the hopes that he will return to me. Hopefully, next time I blog, it will be with good news!

Just got accepted into daycare

Tristan will be starting daycare at the Burnaby Children's Centres Society on January 2nd, 2010. He will be there full time as part of their Infant group (ages 3 months to 18 months). I would have preferred part time but this was the only one available so we're taking it :) I wait listed Tristan since he was around 3 months old, which means it took 9 months to get him in! Out of the three places I wait listed him at, this is my first choice. It is only a 10 minute walk from our home and when I toured the place back in March, I really liked it. It is a group daycare and they are very organized and professional. They are also quite expensive; it will cost us $1110 every month.

With just over a month until he goes off to daycare, I'm already thinking ahead. What will I do with all that spare time? Well, first of all, anything can happen work-wise for me (or not). I may apply for a few contracts or jobs but if there isn't anything for me, I will do more consulting and I have lots of personal work to do that could keep me very busy for a couple of months.

Will I still breastfeed? Yes. Right now, I am only feeding first thing in the morning and again at night. Breastfeeding should not interfere with daycare at all.

Will I be ok dropping him off every day? I think so. I already went through it once so I think I should be fine the second time around. But I could be wrong. I also feel like he is a bit more independent now since he can walk, play more, and interact with people better. When we left him at daycare in September, all he could do was crawl. By January, Tristan will have had all his vaccinations as well. We're bringing him in for his 12 month shots early December and then his second dose of H1N1 and the seasonal flu shot maybe a week after that. This will definitely give us peace of mind knowing that he is protected in daycare. Both Jean-Louis and I will also have our flu shots by then too.

Will I miss Tristan? Big YES. But it will be great for both of us. In fact, I'm getting excited at the thought of the big changes in January :) Being a stay at home mom has been quite the amazing experience but I'm ready to work again and build on my career. Life is about to get a lot more exciting for all of us!

Weaning the baby from breastmilk

For the past 3 days, I eliminated my afternoon feeding and gave Tristan a bit more formula milk and solid food. The thought of weaning still makes me sad but lately having to endure another cold without proper medication, a breast yeast infection, and now teeth clamping on my nipples, I actually think weaning would be great about now. I am down to just two feedings per day.

Honestly, I did not anticipate all the teeth clamping and biting. When Tristan's bottom teeth came out, he didn't bite me while I fed him and there was no problem at all. Now with his razor sharp big teeth coming out at the top, he can't help but clamp down while sucking. Apparently, he did it in the past without me knowing. I noticed some scars not too long ago. However, now his teeth is really starting to stick out and it hurts like hell when he clamps down! And at the same spot over and over - ouch! I'm losing some serious skin and possibly flush, I don't know. I actually tried to feed him at a different angle today but it wasn't effective. Grrr!

I remember a friend telling me that if the baby bites during breastfeeding, remove him, tell him, and try again. This is how you teach him not to bite on Mommy while feeding. My problem is that I didn't do that to start with so if I start now, he would be clueless. He has been feeding like this for a long time and he probably thinks he is doing everything just right. Actually, there were a few times I had to remove him since it hurt so much. I just try to re-latch him on in a slightly different angle. Now, he doesn't do it all the time because sometimes it doesn't hurt at all. The question is how do I explain that to him? When I remove him too often, he gets annoyed and he doesn't even want to drink. Yeah, these days it has been fairly hard to feed him as is.

Things I meant to report

I have a random list of things I meant to say but it didn't make sense to create blog posts for each of them. I'm just going to list them below. In other words, this is the lazy me trying to skip blog posts :)

• Tristan started clapping his hands this past week.
• Tristan started teething at the top of his mouth 1 or 2 weeks ago. He's going to look like a bunny soon.
• We confirmed a few days ago that Tristan is allergic to eggplant. We suspected it before and the same thing happened this time when we fed him some. His chin turned red almost instantly after he ate it. Hopefully, he will grow out of it. Neither of us have any food allergies so we think it is just bizarre that he would.
  
• A few days ago, I caught a cold. It's the third time since mid August!
• A few days ago, I started to treat myself for another breast yeast infection. Ugh.
  
• A few days ago, I discovered bloody marks on my nipple so Tristan has definitely been biting me!
  
• I was contacted about a job recently that I didn't apply for. That is always a good thing :)
• Less than a week ago, I discovered that there is a Jacadi in Vancouver! I know!!!
• In the past week or so, I wait listed Tristan in 2 more nearby daycares and started to look into nanny sharing and babysitting. No leads so far but honestly, I haven't put a lot of time into it yet :(
  
• Just yesterday, Tristan started to drag the exersaucer across the room of the office. He's also playing with wires and plugs a lot more now. And he loves to open drawers and cupboards!
  
• Recently, Tristan hates being strapped in the highchair for feeding. This is a first.
• The past two days, I have started to feed Tristan a bit more formula milk. So far he is drinking everything.
• Last but not least, Tristan is now sleeping from 9:30PM to 7 or 7:30AM. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now (knock on wood). As a result, his naps are a bit shorter during the day. It's great news for me since I get to sleep in a bit more but at the same time, I can't do much during the day since he is up most of the time. Oh well - you can't win them all :)
  

Tristan is 11 months old!

11 months! You know what that means. It's time to start planning the 1st birthday bash. I love to plan events so it's super exciting! 11 months is also our last monthly birthday celebration for Tristan. I'm sure going to miss cake every month :(

Tristan is eating well and I really think he is fattening up and growing more. We'll find out at his one year checkup next month. I'm not too worried since he is eating much better now, although it is still a struggle to feed him these days. He is still eating everything but some times we have to bribe him with stuff he likes like bread, cheese, and fruit. We try not to do it too often. He is easily distracted too so a toy or an object he can bang on now and then helps too. I honestly think we have tried every trick in the book to get him to eat. Every trick! It's really hard to keep your cool in front of him sometimes too.

I think Tristan is drinking more milk this month than last month. Since he was out of daycare this past month, I was able to add the afternoon feeding as well as give him a bottle. All in all, I think he is just consuming more of everything and he is very regular. He poops every day and some times even twice a day. He is retaining most of his food too. He rarely spits up or pukes anymore.

Breastfeeding is still going strong. I feed him three times a day but I may cut that down to two soon. A milestone happened yesterday for myself. I started to get my period again. Exactly 11 months after birth. Well, I certainly enjoyed not having it for the past 20 months :) The breastfeeding sure helped keep it away for awhile.

"Mamamama" is one of his favorite sounds to make. He doesn't yet know what it means but he likes it :) He loves to just make noise and holler at the top of his lungs. He'll pull himself up and once he is as high as he can get, he'll raise his hand and holler. It's the Tarzan move - that's what I call it. He understands some words like "ball" and "water" but he still can't speak. Also, I think he is making a bit less progress with the baby sign. This month has been a strange one for him. He seems to be a bit confused with milk and more. He does the milk sign a lot!

Tristan is very close to walking. Did I say that last month? Well, he can stand for many many seconds on his own. He may have taken a small step or two as well but I'm not counting that as walking. Once he walks, we can take him out and set him free in public :)

Tristan is more and more loveable to play with these days. He was even entertaining to his grandparents in France on Skype the other day. He would spin and walk around the office chair and laugh and fall along the way. He even grabbed toys and tried to give it to them. At this age, Tristan loves to play peek-a-boo with everyone. He just loves it! Tristan and his Daddy crawl and chase each other around the dining room every night while I prepare dinner. Yeah, there are definitely good times now :)

My breastfeeding days are almost over

The first month I started breastfeeding, I could not imagine lasting 6 months. When 6 months came around, breastfeeding seemed so easy so I decided to continue to 12 months. It is now 11 months. 3 breast infections, 1 breast yeast infection, countless blisters and clogged milk ducts, and 2 colds later, I am still breastfeeding. In fact, I have a blister and clogged ducts right now! Boy, do they hurt :( So even after all this, somehow I just refuse to stop. As long as he still wants it, I am willing to feed him. Besides, I am still home and I don't have to worry about packing milk or feeding in public so it's easy.

There were times where I thought Tristan was not interested in me breastfeeding him anymore. It was actually quite depressing being rejected. He would not be interested after a minute or sometimes won't even want to feed. Usually by the next feeding session or next day, he would be fine. I guess they are easily distracted at this age and more interested in solid food. I surprised myself by feeling sad over it since it was my plan all along to stop after a year and that time is almost up. I should probably start to wean him now.

It should be a time of celebration. 1 month to go! Then I will be able to do anything, go anywhere, wear all my old clothes and bras, drink wine etc. I have been waiting for the end of my breastfeeding days forever it seems. As that time approaches though, I'm feeling a bit bummed. I'm reluctant to give up breastfeeding because I have grown so attached to it and I don't want to deny him any of my milk if he still wants it. Also, the benefits of him acquiring my antibodies and digestive enzymes and all those goodies are also giving me reasons to hang on even longer. Well, 12 months is not a hard deadline so depending on the situation, I may not have to stop all together.

Tristan is 10 months old

Another month has gone by and this time, we get to enjoy cake :) Actually, we enjoyed cake last month too but it was just delayed due to my cold. Boy, has the last month been a rocky one for us! Daycare, feeding frustrations, crawling everywhere, touching everything... aaaaaahh!

First off, daycare is still going pretty well. Tristan cried for the first time in daycare right after I dropped him off last Thursday. It could have been due to a couple of things. The night before, I had a friend of mine babysit Tristan while I took my shower and it didn't go so well. He pretty much cried the whole time that evening. After that incident, maybe Tristan was scared of me leaving him with anyone. Or it could be that when I dropped him off at daycare there was another crying baby there and Tristan was a bit scared. Anyway, he cried and I left quickly so that it wouldn't get worst. Surprisingly, his crying didn't affect me too much. It was his third week in daycare and I was getting used to leaving him there.

For the past week and a bit, feeding has been a challenge for us. Tristan has no problem eating his cereal and fruit for breakfast. He has no problem with eating any fruit, cheese, or bread. The problem is when we spoon feed him his lunch or dinner, which consists of some kind of vegetable, meat, or meat alternative. I find that simpler foods with just 2 ingredients or 1 ingredient works better. Things that are not as chunky works better. An ingredient that is slightly on the sweeter side such as carrot works better. Using my fingers to feed him rather than a spoon some times work better. Distracting him with a toy some times work too. At times, we had to use trickery and some times force to feed him and we know it is bad. Now, we have agreed not to use force because we don't want him to be scared and to develop a bad association with eating. Again, Jean-Louis is a bit harsher than I am and would prefer force over trickery, if we had to choose one. Big surprise.

We decided to look into it and it appears that feeding difficulties at 9-10 months is quite common. And some people have it way worst than us too! Here are a couple of sites which talk about other parents' feeding problems:

Refusing Solids at 10-12 months
My baby suddenly hates her favorite foods. Help!

We're going to try to let him feed himself more finger foods. We'll see how that works. Feeding already takes a long time so this will only make it longer. He's not quite ready but we are about to train him on eating with a spoon. Right now, he is just exploring and playing with the spoon. Today is the first day he is using his training bowl as well.

Tristan started taking formula milk just in the afternoon three days ago. He has no problem taking it from a bottle. I know some babies become quite attached to their bottles and milk so I want to be careful Tristan is not given too much milk or drinking from the bottle too much. He still doesn't drink from his sippy cup. There are tons of scratch marks from him gnawing on it rather than sucking it. I have only witnessed him sucking on it twice so far. He is drinking more and more water though so that's good.

I am still breastfeeding. I'm down to just 2-3 times a day now. I still plan to nurse Tristan until he is 1 year old. I am a bit sad that I have to use formula since my milk supply is depleting. With so many other things, this attachment is also hard to let go somehow. On the bright side, we won't be tied down to being at home so much now since I don't have to worry about nursing in private as much. Jean-Louis can also take over the bottle feeds when he is home :)

Baby babble is great fun to watch. Tristan usually does it when he is happy. Yesterday, I finally heard him say "mama!" Yes, I was very pleased :) On top of baby babble, Tristan can sign "more," "milk," "ball," and "sun." Nice progress indeed.

He's not walking on his own yet but Tristan crawls, stands, and walks while holding onto something. He also just started to pull out the safety plugs from the electric outlets on the wall. So much for baby proofing. Baby proofing ends at 10 months for those things I guess. Climbing stairs is by far Tristan's favorite activity. He enjoys it more than playing with his toys. He could climb all day if you let him! It's great he's active but he has got to eat more to compensate for it.

Frustrations with feeding

It all started on his last visit to daycare last Thursday. True or not, I can't help but point fingers at daycare. All I know is that Tristan ate everything we gave him and everything that was packed for him at daycare until last Thursday. His lunch was pretty much untouched when I picked him up. It was the same meal with beef, carrots, and celery we fed him the past 2 or 3 meals. So why the sudden change? We tried giving him the same food for dinner that night with no luck. We tried again the next day for lunch but nope. Since then every lunch and dinner has been a struggle. Of course, he has no problem eating things that are sweet like cereal, carrots, or fruit.

Now, here is why I'm frustrated and mad. Since he turned 6 months, we have tried to introduce and feed him healthy solid foods. His first solid food after cereal was broccoli. We were also very careful not to introduce very sweet vegetables like carrots and squash too earlier as well. We focused on green veggies and foods that were not very flavorful like tofu and cauliflower. We don't want Tristan to have juice or anything with lots of sugar or salt. We definitely don't add any of those things or any spices in the baby food we make for him. Up until now, we thought we were doing very good. He was a great eater. He just loved to eat whatever you gave him.

The next time I drop him off at daycare, I will have to remind the staff there that Tristan is not allowed to eat anything other than what we provide. I can't help but think something must have happened. I will also have to tell them that Tristan needs to eat more because we are now worried about his weight. Hopefully, they can feed him all of his food next time. I have already decided to top up his breastmilk with formula.

Let's hope this is a temporary thing. Could just be a phase, yes? Feeding has been a nightmare lately because we have to force him to eat or trick him to eat. The feeding sessions are lasting a long time and we're making a big mess. We really did take it for granted before. Tristan was such a great eater but now it sucks. I wouldn't be so worried except that he is a bit on the skinny side and that worries me. I can just feed him things I know he will eat like more carrots and squash and less broccoli and green beans but I really do want him to stick to the variety of healthy foods we have been giving him. Such a dilemma! Now, I know how parents feel when their babies and kids don't want to eat :( Totally sucks for everyone.

Baby is a bit on the skinny side

I took Tristan to the doctor's today to get him measured and weighed. The last measurements taken were when he was 6 months old. We were a bit concerned since some people have mentioned that he was skinny (by some, I mean my parents) and his 6-12 months clothes are kind of swimming on him. In fact, he is still wearing a few outfits which are 6 months. Tristan will be 10 months old in 9 days.

Tristan measures 71 cm in length, which puts him in the 25-50% tile. That's where he was from the start so that's great. His weight, however, has now dropped him off from the 25-50% tile to the 10% tile. The doctor didn't seem that concerned when I told her what I was feeding him. I did mention that I am concerned that he might not be getting enough milk since I am no longer producing much. I only feed 3 times a day and on his daycare days, I pump only 3 oz. at lunch time. I'm sure he can drink more from me since he is a more efficient pump but still. At this stage, he should be getting around 24 oz. of milk a day. So the doctor is suggesting that maybe I can try to introduce some whole milk or formula milk on top of the breastmilk. So, I'm debating what to do right now. I would like to wait until he is 12 months before giving him whole milk but I'm already giving him cheese and yogurt.

The doctor said that it is normal that the baby doesn't gain much weight now that he is mobile. Tristan is crawling, standing, and always on the move. In fact, after lunch today, he crawled 4 flights of stairs - that's 28 steps! That must be a big workout for a baby. I grabbed him by the chest at one point and felt his heart pounding really fast. Good thing he always had a strong heart!

I think I would still like to hold off on the whole milk idea and give him formula instead. We do have some formula which we need to use up. I'll wait until he turns 10 months first. Until then, I'll up his dairy consumption of yogurt and cheese. It's only 9 days; I can live with that. In a month, we will go back to see the doctor and weigh him again. All in all, I'm not too worried. He doesn't look particularly skinny.

Development progress at 9 months

This month has been a busy month for Tristan. He crawls and stands up now. His new found skills made it hard for him to fall asleep on his own during nap time. That was certainly stressful for all of us. It's still a bit of an issue now. Sleep is like a roller coaster. There are days where he would just fall asleep within 3-5 minutes and then there are days where he would cat nap.

Now that he can move, he is always on the move. He opens doors if they are left crack open. He can turn pages on books. He loves to rip paper. He hates it when we tried to contain him in the exersaucer or jumperoo or play pen. He will only stay in those for maybe 5 minutes and then he will start fussing. It annoys the hell out of Jean-Louis because he has to watch him constantly. He's like "why don't you just sit still for a change?" If I were a baby, I would be crawling and touching everything too. He is curious and he finally has the ability to explore the world.

We find ourselves using the word and baby sign "NO" a lot these days. We're trying to teach Tristan what is off limits but I read it is bad to use "NO" all the time because babies will not take it seriously. "NO" should be reserved for just the extreme cases. Ah, there are just too many rules. We probably shouldn't yell either but we are beginning to do that too. It's hard not to do these things because it comes natural to us in these circumstances. On a related note, Jean-Louis is starting to swear more and I always tell him not to and that he should get in the habit of avoiding it now. We don't want Tristan's first word to be a "bad" word!

I'm still breastfeeding 3 times a day and Tristan eats 3 times a day. We have introduced finger foods like bread, cheese, and bananas to him and he is getting very good at eating on his own. We no longer introduce new foods for 3 days at a time, unless it is something we believe he may be allergic to. If we already introduced something in the squash family, all other new squashes are probably okay so we don't bother with the 3 day rule. Neither of us have allergies to foods and we eat everything so chances are Tristan should be okay too. Tristan only drinks water and breastmilk. During his meals, we like to cover all the food groups. We try not to feed him too much bread or things which have all sorts of added flavor. Basically, we are trying to make his diet as healthy as possible. We're also feeding him more chunky food so that he learns to eat that instead of relying on us to puree all his food. He has 2 bottom teeth now so maybe he can use them when he eats :)

Tristan can't speak yet. He can't even say "dada" or "mama." He grunts a lot, squeals, and laughs with his mouth open and head arched backwards :) Jean-Louis thinks that Tristan might have signed the word "milk" last night but it is hard to say. It is similar to the action of grabbing food on his tray so maybe he was just trying to do that. Again, hard to say. I'm looking forward to the day he says "mama" :) I was actually worried that he grunted too much but apparently, the grunting is normal.

Finally, I should mention that Tristan cries when most strangers hold him. At least with the people he is not familiar with. We went to Victoria this week and he cried whenever my mom or dad held him. He was still doing it a bit when we left too. He did get a chance to bond with them a little. My mom can finally make Tristan smile so that was nice to see. It was a relief really because she was working very hard at entertaining and then boom! A smile :)

Breast yeast infection or Candida albicans

In the last 2 days, my breasts started to hurt again. I kept checking the latch and it seemed alright but it hurt while feeding and then even more after feeding. The pain is a bit unusual in that it was more prickly and burned at the tip. I was disappointed because I was finally starting to feel better being on the antibiotics for my breast infection or mastitis. Pain was going away and then all of a sudden it appeared really sharp, just at the tip on my infected side. In fact, I sort of feel it a bit on the other side too now.

I spoke to a friend the other day and we were talking about breast infections and yeast infections. She asked if mine was a yeast infection and we talked about some of the differences. At the time, my symptoms did point to a breast infection. She was telling me that a high sugar diet for the mom and not cleaning the baby's mouth enough could lead to a yeast infection. This morning, I started thinking about it some more while I was eating my chocolate banana bread and wincing at the sharp pains in my breast. I wanted to do some research so I jumped on the computer after breakfast. From what I have discovered, I am quite positive now that my mastitis (breast infection) has now turned into candida albican (yeast infection) :(

This was the first article I read that made me believe I have a breast yeast infection now:
http://naturalmomstalkradio.com/blog/breastfeeding-yeast-infection/

Yeast infections are more common in warm and sweaty environments. I'm afraid I don't air out my breasts after feeding either. It may be summer but I'm still so cold in the house. Antibiotics can increase your chances of getting an infection too. Eeeks! Tristan is on solids and his mouth is a lot filthier than before. I'm worried he has been infected because he is a lot fussier the past 2 days. It has only been 2 days since I got my piercing pain. His fussiness is also due to teething but maybe the yeast infection is causing it too. Oh boy!

"Antibiotics can trigger an overgrowth of the body's yeast." Breast infections and yeast infections are similar in many ways and you can have both. Under "Nipple pain caused by Candida albicans," there is a good description of what it is and its symptoms. What stood out most to me was #8:

"may occur only in the breast. This pain is often described as "shooting", or "burning" in nature, and is often worse after the feeding is over. It is often said to be worse at night. At the same time, the breast appears or feels normal. This is not mastitis and there is no reason to treat with antibiotics. On the contrary, antibiotics may make the problem worse."

In my case, I did start with mastitis and probably still have some of it present but now I have a yeast infection too. I have to finish my antibiotics to cure my breast infection but now I need to get started on the treatment for the yeast infection. I will try to see the doctor about it tomorrow. Whether Tristan shows signs of being infected or not, he still has to be treated for it.

Apparently, this is something that can commonly happen after breastfeeding has been established and unfortunately many moms end up giving up breastfeeding as a result. I can see how it can be a problem. After being on the pregnancy diet and then breastfeeding for so long, you just want to eat junk food and sweets. I have been totally bad in that regard. It's either ice cream or cake or cookies or chocolate every day for the past few months! I was totally asking for a yeast infection!

Now that I know about it, I will try to prevent it from happening again. After reading about it this morning, I have already washed and sterilized all the bottles, pacifiers, and wiped all the toys Tristan has been sucking on the past few days. I am also cleaning myself with baking soda. Well, it doesn't hurt to try! I might try vinegar instead tomorrow but that may stink. I won't be eating any more sweets or junk food until I am all better. That one will be hard :(

Symptons of a breast infection

All it takes is a bad latch and a blister. I got a blister from breastfeeding about a week ago and it still hadn't heal when I got my next blister. The blister bursted and allowed bacteria from Tristan's mouth inside. Now, I have enlargement, discharge (bleeding and pus), the chills, and lots of pain. In fact, I'm on Tylenol now and people that know me know how much I hate taking pills. Yes, the pain is quite horrible. Tylenol works miracles for me and allows me to sleep better.

How did all this happen? After 7 months, you would think I have a handle on breastfeeding. I did for awhile too and now, I'm not sure it won't happen again. I'm kind of prone to getting infections on one side. I try to latch properly each time and thought I did too. I think Tristan has a preference to one side and he doesn't open his mouth very big for the other side. He also falls asleep a lot on this other side. I have to pry his mouth open all the time and readjust the latch when he moves. He's a bit lazy too.

I've been reading up again on breast infections from breastfeeding and scaring myself of course. I went to see my doctor today and got a prescription for antibiotics, just in case. I thought she was going to yell at me since I always go and see her about this :( To my surprise, she didn't even lecture me. In fact, she seemed concerned once she examined me. Ah ha! So, I'm not just being a weakling and I do have a chronic size blister. Phew. Hopefully, in a day or so I'll feel better.

Still breastfeeding after almost 7 months

I'm so glad to have kept up my breastfeeding. After a difficult birth and postpartum, I was really tempted to give up breastfeeding early. I hung in there, even after 3 breast infections, and am so glad I have made it to this mark. It's so much easier now. I went from feeding 12 times a day when Tristan was born to just 3 times a day now. No sweat!

There are so many benefits to breastfeeding for the baby and also for the mother. As more and more studies are done, we seem to learn even more benefits. Add leaner body mass for a child as they grow older as another benefit of breastfeeding. Something else I learned recently was that you don't have to give birth to breastfeed. I sort of assumed you could when I read about re-lactating. If you have developed breasts, you can be milked, I guess.

Tristan is so much bigger now. I almost don't view him as a baby anymore. He has grown into this little human. I used to think it would be weird to breastfeed a small child but I can now understand why some people do it. You get used to it and it's just not weird to you after awhile. There's also the attachment and I would feel bad weaning him off of the breastmilk if he still wanted it. My goal at the very start was to make it to at least 6 months since that was the recommended age. I made it and since it's so much easier now, I don't mind going longer. My current goal now is 1 year or when Tristan no longer wants it, whichever is earlier.

For all those mothers who are just starting out. Yes, it is so very hard but as time goes by, it gets so much easier. Don't quit. It's amazing when I think about it. So proud of myself :)

Tristan's first taste of solid food

Yesterday, we fed Tristan rice cereal mixed with breastmilk. Woohoo! He seemed to have liked it. We gave him 2 tsp in the morning and then again in the evening. It got a bit messy since he wants to get his hands in there all the time. Now, I have a wet wash cloth nearby at all times. I was expecting a strange look from him but there was no expression. He ate it as though he had already been on it. It was a big moment so we took pictures and we filmed the feeding. Yeah, yeah... new parents here.

This morning, I pumped a bit too much milk so the cereal was extremely watery. That made it even messier since it would drip everywhere. I read somewhere that I should feed breastmilk first and then solids but since I had to pump and wasn't sure how much I could pump afterwards, I decided to do the reverse. The milk has to be lukewarm so I fed him the cereal right away. The potential problem with this is that he may get full on the cereal and not want much milk. Breastmilk is still the most important food for him right now.

Even after the messed up weekend, Tristan seems to be back to his routine (so far). He had a poop this morning at 7AM and then again after his breakfast. I can already see a change. His poop is a bit darker, firmer, and has a stronger odor than before. It's not horrible yet since this is just the beginning. The good news is that since it is firmer and more solid, it sticks better and there are fewer accidents on his clothes. Good thing too because we are getting low on our OxiClean Baby spray :)

6 months is a big transition

This Wednesday, Tristan will turn 6 months old. A lot of things happen at 6 months. We finally turned Tristan's cradle into a crib. The new bed sheets and mattress protective cover are on it and it looks great! The cradle is only good for the first 6 months and he is moving so much now - it was like he was sleeping in a box. I love the bedding we got from Dwell. It's pricey but it's super nice. Now, Tristan looks like a tiny baby again in the big crib. He's so adorable:)

The biggest change for Tristan, however; will be food! At 6 months, we have to start Tristan on solid foods, starting with rice cereal. We're actually going to start a couple of days earlier since Jean-Louis will be home and I want the big occasion to be captured on video. We just bought a few boxes of rice, oat, and wheat cereal. I also plan to get some dry lentils, beans, and chick peas. Tomorrow is the big day for Tristan!

Now that the weather is good, we will be going outside more often and that means Tristan has to be protected. I bought some sunblock for him and at 6 months, he can start to wear that on his body. I will be careful not to have him in the sun too long though. Don't want him to suffer from sunstroke or anything like that. We don't have to give him another reason to cry.

At 6 months, we are also going to start sleep training and that may lead us to the cry it out method - I'm not sure yet. Jean-Louis and I have to sit down and draft a contract we can both agree to. Potty training for number 2 might start soon too. One of my friends started her child at 5 months and it worked well for her. It might not be so bad since I can sort of predict when he is about to do it. He normally has 3 poops a day. Maybe that will change with the solid food introduction though.

What else? Well, they say you can't spoil a baby under 6 months so I guess it's time for us to be a bit more cautious and not give him too much attention. We are already carrying him less but that's partly because he's getting heavy. It helps that he can play by himself now too.

Technically, I could stop breastfeeding now. It's recommended that mothers breastfeed for at least the first 6 months. As long as I'm still home and working from home, it's pretty easy for me to do it so I think I will continue as long as I can and as long as Tristan still wants it. Besides, I'm only feeding like 5 times a day so it's not demanding at all. I am going to eliminate the one night feeding some time this week though since we want Tristan to sleep through the night. I think it won't be so hard since Tristan will be on solids and he will feel full longer.

Tristan is 3 months old

Tristan is finally 3 months old.  Some people say 3 months is the transition month and that things get easier from here.  Well, things are definitely better today than it was the first month, that's for sure.  We're sleeping more and he's more responsive, smiles and coos a lot - so that's great.  Feeding him is less demanding now too since his growth has slowed down a bit and I only feed him about 6 times a day.  Breastfeeding actually got much easier the second month.  It has been a long time since I had blisters and it doesn't hurt at all anymore.  Tristan gets full after about 20-30 minutes so I don't have to dedicate as much time to feeding anymore.  All is well in that department :)  As a result, he has less pees and poops too so we don't have to change him as much.

I was going to make a cake to celebrate his 3-month birthday but we'll have to see.  Right now, I'm pretty pooped.  Last night we didn't sleep as well as we would have liked.  We just had trouble falling asleep, even after Tristan dosed off.  This morning we went to Jean-Louis' work place and finally paid a visit to his co-workers.  They all seem to love Tristan and he didn't embarrass us by crying (or farting) :)  Next week we will be taking a trip down to White Rock to visit my co-workers.  Hopefully, he will be just as good.

Spitting up milk

This is my first blog entry from my iPod Touch! It won't allow me to type in the text editor under "Compose" so I'm doing it under "Edit Html."

It's 2:52AM right now and I've already fed Tristan 20 minutes worth of breastmilk. He would drink more but I'm not going to let him. Here is why. At night, he sleeps for longer periods so he's hungry and my breasts become very full. It's then very easy for him to overfeed. When that happens and then I lay him back down to sleep, he grunts and grunts and spits up. It had been happening a lot so now I will try to just limit what he drinks. Feeding is over right now and I have him resting on me in an inclined position so that the milk can flow down to his belly. I'm going to lay him down now and see if he still spits up. It has been about 8 minutes. I'll report the results in the morning, when I get up.

(The next day....) No spit up!  I'll stick to this strategy for now.

The haunting cry of a baby

I hear or think I hear Tristan crying everywhere I go.  In the office, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in my dreams even.  When Jean-Louis watches after him and I try to nap, I hear him.  At night, I am always on the look out.  I am not a deep sleeper so I pretty much hear every noise he makes since he sleeps in his crib right at the end of our bed.  There is no escape and his cry, like all babies cries, makes you want to attend to him.  The cry of a baby is designed to be annoying else, parents would ignore them.  It is especially disturbing to me since I am his mother.  I close my eyes and I hear him cry.  Man, I sure hope we have reached the peak of his crying.

No, it's no fun dealing with a crying baby.  There is so much of it too!  The past few days with Jean-Louis home for the winter break, it seemed like Tristan only wanted to be with mommy sometimes.  I was the only one that could soothe him.  It makes me feel special and Jean-Louis inadequate.  We thought it was the smell so as a test Jean-Louis wore one of my breastfeeding shirts and that didn't work.  I think it's the way he holds and rocks him.  I also think it has to do with Jean-Louis' negative attitude and his lack of skills in trying to calm people down while talking to them.  I noticed this a lot when I was in labour and I had a very hard time relaxing on my own.  Anyway, all this means that I have to be with Tristan even more and it's more work for me!  I need to rest too and Tristan needs to recognize and want to go to his daddy.  In time, I'm sure that will be the case.

On a positive note, breastfeeding is really coming along.  My milk is just flowing these days and because of it, Tristan doesn't even have to suck hard to get milk so even if the latch is not perfect, it won't hurt and my nipples are safe :)  That's not to say I'm not trying to latch him on properly because I do but it's challenging since he's dressed heavily and I'm dressed heavily because of my cold allergy.  I'm actually impressed at how much milk I have.  And it's true, when Tristan cries, milk drips and I can hardly get it in his mouth fast enough without making a big sticky mess!  I think that's fascinating!