3 years developmental update

Wow, I still can't believe Tristan is 3 years old now! Bye bye under 3 freebies. We all knew the time would come. But really, time goes by quickly and kids grow so fast! I'm so happy to be able to spend so much time with him while he is still young. I feel like we have celebrated every milestone and everything we do together will leave behind great memories for the future. With another birthday behind us, here is the latest in growth and development for Tristan.

GROWTH

He really is getting so big! Physically he is a bit bigger than he was a year ago. He isn't growing at the rate he used to when he was a baby so we're able to let him wear his clothes for longer periods. He still wears some of his 24 month clothes even. Most of them are pants though. Last year's 3 year old winter clothes will get worn again, which I'm thankful for. Tristan has nice clothes and some of them are really expensive French clothes so if he can wear them for more than one season, then I'm happy! Some of the pants we let him wear last year no longer need to be folded at the bottom. He wore the same Halloween costume as last year! It was slightly big last year and this year it may have been a bit snug. Jean-Louis weighed Tristan a week or so ago and he's 32 pounds. When compared to the other kids at daycare, Tristan appears to be a bit on the small side.

FOOD & EATING

Tristan may be a bit small for his age (or maybe he's average) but I know he eats well and I'm not worried at all. Jean-Louis and I are both petite so I don't expect Tristan to be very big or tall one day. For the past week, Tristan has been eating well. He some times nibbles at lunch but then when dinner comes along, he eats all the food we give him. He'll have a bowl of vegetable and chicken soup, then yogurt, then fruit and maybe a cookie. Overall though, we still don't enjoy mealtimes very much. Whether or not Tristan eats all his food or not, we still have to nag at him or coach him along quite a bit. Sometimes we even have to soup feed him a bit to hurry him along. Jean-Louis really really hates doing that! Lately, it has been pretty good though and Tristan has been eating by myself.

Things are pretty much back to normal now. When we came back from vacation, Tristan became a bit more difficult at the dining table. Thank goodness we are back to our routine. We're allowing Tristan to eat more things now, including junk food like processed candies. He had his first lollipop just a few days ago. At first he really liked it but then after about 10 licks, he didn't want anymore. He has also tried pop, black licorice, M&M candies, and chips. When he does eat junk food, it's more like a sampling. The idea is just for him to try it and let him know that he can't have too much because it's not healthy. I think it's important for him to try all sorts of foods so that he at least knows what they are and will be able to follow when people talk about them. We also don't want to deprive him to the point where he would engorge in tons of junk when he's at a party because he can't have any at home. I heard that is a problem with some kids. Of course we are very strict with him as well or else he would be a very picky eater and not listen at the dining table.

POTTY TRAINING

Tristan is going strong with his potty training. He is fully trained when he is awake and 50% of the time when he is asleep. It could be more because he has been increasingly waking up with dry pull-ups now. I can't remember the last time we had a potty accident. When we were in Hawaii, Tristan didn't have any accidents, even when we were on the tour bus all day. We were very lucky because it turned out that we had totally forgotten to bring along a change of underwear and clothes for him if he had an accident. So lucky! I don't bother asking Tristan if he has to pee anymore. He tells us and some times he will even hold it a long time, while I finish something up in the kitchen. We used to run up the stairs every time he told us but now we just calmly walk up. It's so nice to be potty trained :)

SLEEP

Tristan sleeps a bit less now since he has pretty much given up his naps. He stopped napping at home for a few weeks now. Sometimes when we are out, he may fall asleep and then we just let him. If he can sleep, I'm all for the naps :) We just don't bother putting him down anymore. He seems totally energetic and happy about it too. His bedtime hasn't changed. He sleeps around 9PM and wakes up around 7:30AM.

Tristan still sleeps in his crib. He slept in a twin and double bed when we were on vacation and only fell off it once. We thought we would have to transfer him over to a bigger bed or extend his crib when we got back. It turned out he liked sleeping in his crib. It's not a big deal to us since we would prefer to keep him in the crib as long as possible. He doesn't jump out and this way he is contained. I used to hear my friend talk about how her kids would run to her room at 6AM and wake her up. I'm trying to delay this from happening to me as long as possible. I know I'm lucky Tristan listens a lot. He wakes up in the morning and he calls out from his crib "Mommy? Are you awake? I'm not tired anymore." I would look at the clock and respond "Not yet Tristan. Go back to sleep. Mommy needs 20 more minutes." That usually does it :)

SPEECH

Tristan is piecing together new sentences like you wouldn't believe it. He'll hear something once and then try to use it in a new sentence. I'm not sure how and when this all happened but we're noticing it right now. He is also speaking with better tense. He'll say things in the present and past and is figuring out which one to use and when. He asks "why" to everything. I think the "why" stage started when we went to Whistler back in May. He's funny to have conversations with because he has answers for most things even though they don't make sense. Let's say he has a reply to most things :)

Jean-Louis says that Tristan has no theory of mind. What he means is that he doesn't know that there are some things he will know that we won't know. For instance when we pick him up at daycare and ask him what he did at daycare, he says I don't know. Then he turns to me and asks me "do you know mommy?" The same thing happens when I ask him about the kids at daycare. This makes it extra hard to learn about who he plays with and who his friends are. It wasn't easy knowing who to invite to his birthday party.

Tristan speaks English but has a full understanding of French. He says a few things in French and only French. He can say a few things and understand even more things in Chinese. One thing I'm proud of is that Tristan doesn't swear or say things like "damnit." I don't swear and Jean-Louis is controlling himself from saying things like "damnit" and "Jesus Christ." So far it's working because whenever Tristan is in shock, he says "oh my goodness." However, he does know dirty words and he'll say it to be naughty. For instance he says "caca" here and there to be funny. "Caca" is poo in French. Luckily, not many people know what he is saying and probably thinks he is just making funny noises.

BEHAVIOR

Some times we lose our patience at Tristan and then we yell and become aggressive. Tristan is learning from us and some times he protests and misbehaves for attention. A couple of times, he tried to hit or kick us when he was really mad. Every time, we pulled him aside, lectured him and got him to apologize. He's pretty good at saying sorry and he understands why we are sad when he is behaving badly. He is also polite and says thank-you and excuse me.

Tristan is rough when he plays so we're teaching him to be more gentle when pretending to play things like "kung-fu." We pretend fight him but he fights us for real and some times we really get hurt! I am definitely going to enroll him in some kind of martial arts class. He's going to kick butt!

He's goofy. He likes to make funny and weird faces all the time. I think he gets that from me. At his birthday party this past weekend, he had a hard time standing still with a straight face when everyone was singing happy birthday to him. He keep making faces and sticking his tongue out. I notice but Jean-Louis didn't. Some times he just does that.

Tantrums? What tantrums? Yeah, he still tantrums from time to time. They don't bother us much anymore since they hardly happen and when they do, they last maybe a few minutes at most. We're so glad the terrible-twos are behind us. From what I hear, threes are awesome :) It's already pretty awesome I think. Tristan really is a great little kid.

Toddler had no dinner tonight

There is a first for everything, right? Tonight was the first time Tristan did not eat a thing for dinner. Why? He was tantruming and didn't want to eat what we wanted him to eat. His unfinished corn bake from last night was combined with his leftover corn bake from daycare's lunch today. That was his dinner. If he finished that, we would have given him part of a ham and cheese slider. He only wanted the ham and cheese slider. We tried offering the corn bake for about 30 minutes and he screamed and cried and then we called it quits. Everything was taken away and he went up for his bath. After his bath, he went straight to bed. No playing, no reading, nothing. Bedtime was an hour earlier today. This was another first.

It's so sad really. I'm not sure who is more stubborn. Him or us. Or him or Jean-Louis. If it were just me I would have done thinks a bit differently. People talk about being careful with implementing discipline because it could create issues for the child in the future. What about the issues the child is creating for us parents? Now and in the future? I joked on Twitter about needing to save money now for therapy for myself in the future. I could use some now too. It's just one of those days, you know? :(

Dinner punishment for toddler

I made pizza for dinner today. I tried a new recipe for the crust and it turned out quite well. I also tossed pizza dough for the first time today. A few words of caution: flour and cornmeal will get all over the place when dough is tossed. Also it's easier to toss than it is to catch! But you probably could have guessed that, right? :)

I was looking forward to having homemade pizza and to have Tristan try my homemade pizza. After we picked Tristan up from daycare, Jean-Louis took him out to bike for a bit while I assembled and baked the pizzas. When they got back Tristan had to pee so Jean-Louis took him up for cleaning and to use the toilet. Then Tristan threw a tantrum. Moments later, Jean-Louis yelled. Apparently, when it came time to pee, Tristan said he didn't have to and then he ended up peeing in his pants, all while having a tantrum. Jean-Louis threatened him with the pizza at some point and so he had to follow through. Curse it! I was ticked off. I made all this great pizza and Tristan couldn't even taste any. He ended up just having a Vietnamese coleslaw salad for dinner. We all had coleslaw but Jean-Louis and I were the only ones enjoying fresh homemade pizza. Sadly:( Tristan did eventually finish all of his salad though so that was a plus.

After dinner, I lectured Jean-Louis not to ever gamble dinner like that. It's hard enough to get Tristan to eat some times so he shouldn't have gambled the main course. Besides, it's not like it was unhealthy since it was homemade from scratch. Am I right?

Our dinner:


Pizza toppings:
maple ham, pineapple, beech mushrooms, fresh basil, fresh tomato, orange bell peppers, pesto chicken breast, cheddar, mozzarella

Sauces:
pesto, store bought pizza sauce

Tristan's dinner:

Tristan is 31 months old (or 2 years 7 months)

It's been awhile since I have done a post on Tristan's developmental updates. Today is no special day, except that it is the 20th of the month. Here is a brief update on how he is doing.

Potty Training

Tristan is well on his way to becoming diaper free. He wears underwear all the time except when he naps or sleeps at night. He has only had 2 dry diapers so far after waking up in the morning but when he does pee in his diaper it only happens once since the diaper is only a bit wet. He's working on it :) This weekend we went over to Victoria and even when we had a diaper or pull up on him, he did not pee in them once. No accidents and he even did number 2 at a restaurant. This is not to say he doesn't have any accidents. There are at least a couple of accidents a week still. Some times we just don't make it to the bathroom in time.

Eating

Tristan is eating everything. He isn't as picky at the moment and will eat anything you give him. If he is picky, we bribe him with an upcoming course (e.g. cheese stick) and that usually does the trick. He has also been eating more sweets such as muffins, cookies, scones, and granola. These are all homemade but he also likes to eat store bought arrowroot animal cookies. I would say that he eats sweets maybe twice a week. He's at that age where we just want him to try everything and discover the world. If it's something that isn't great for him like a brownie, we'll just give him a bite or two. Jean-Louis almost let him try pop but then I said no. That stuff is pure crap and besides, Tristan hasn't even drank juice yet. Okay, so maybe he can't try everything quite yet! :)

Sleep

He sleeps from 9:15PM to 7AM. He naps for 1-2 hours. We can't really complain here. He's quite consistent and sleeps through the night. Some times if he wakes up a bit earlier, we just go tell him to go back to sleep and cover him up and he does.

Tristan is still in his crib and will be for awhile. There is a piece of wood we can move so that he can get in and out easily. We plan to remove that piece in October, after our vacation. Right now, he can jump in and out of his crib but he is usually good about staying inside until we get to his room.

Speech

He can sing but he is shy around others. Some of his favorites are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Eensy-Weensy Spider, Happy Birthday, and Wheels on the Bus. His pronunciation is getting much better now. He can have simple conversations with my Mom on the phone and she actually understands him. He is still mixing his French and English. He is a little us in many ways. He says "oh my goodness" a lot and I've heard him say "what the heck" and "what the dickens." He tries to explain everything with "because... I'm a big boy" or something else. He loves to say because. You ask him why or how come and he'll say "because" and then try to finish it off with something. We find that he is constantly rehearsing his speech with us. We have to let him too but it's very interesting to watch him.

In the last week or so, he has been saying "love you" to us. Yup, it has taken him this long! Not sure if he totally understands it but we'll take it :)

Growth & Exercise

Tristan weighs 30 pounds. He can jump down from the third step on the stairs. He likes to run because Mom and Dad runs. He walks home one way from daycare and he increasingly wants to walk more. He loves biking on his Strider and requests to do it every day. He is at that age where we can take him out more and he can have fun. Overall, he is just easier to care for and more fun to be with. I think that is a recipe for traveling more, don't you? ;)

Behavior

Tantrums are on the decline. At the moment. Of course this could change but we're enjoying every moment of peace:)

When he coughs, he knows to do it into his elbow. He is an expert at blowing his nose. Bye bye aspirator! He started blowing his nose a few months ago. A couple of weeks ago, he started to spit out toothpaste after we brush his teeth.

Broken elephant cookie freakout

How a cookie reward turned into a tantrum

Yup, it was one of those days! Tristan was simply not happy around us today. Little things would trigger tantrums and they were being set off every so many minutes. It was utterly the pits! Ironically, he went to daycare during the day too. He woke up before 6AM and gave me a hard time all morning before we got to daycare :( He threw one of his longest tantrums ever. I think it lasted something like 20 minutes. When we picked him up from daycare he was the usual him. We didn't hear anything out of the ordinary that happened at daycare. He was difficult here and there throughout the evening and now, he is tantruming his way to sleep. Yes, go to sleep because I want a do-over tomorrow!

He was sick last week and is pretty much recovered so it's not sickness. He actually had a great appetite today as well. In fact, he ate pretty much everything we fed him during dinner. There was brown rice, egg, mushroom, salmon, duck, bell pepper, and green edamame soy beans. He ate well during the whole day too so it wasn't like he was starving either. It has been awhile since he has eaten this much. Afterwards, he finished his yogurt, papaya and orange. I told him I was happy that he ate well and that he deserved a treat. Jean-Louis and I negotiated and agreed to give him one elephant sugar cookie. Dinner was more or less going well so what could possibly go wrong, right?

It was an elephant sugar cookie. He played with it and then the trunk fell off! When he tried to piece it back together, more of the cookie broke off. It was like a puzzle he wanted to glue back together but he couldn't and he was super frustrated. While this little horror scene was unfolding, I tried to calmly explain to him that it's okay, you can still eat the cookie and it will still taste the same. I told him that when he puts it in his mouth it will break and crush to pieces anyway. No, he didn't go for that. He was mad about the broken cookie so he demanded another one. Yeah, right! So the tantrum begins. Jean-Louis and I looked at each other and I told him "boy, I sure did not see that one coming." Not even a treat could cheer this little guy up today.

The mysteries about toddler tantrums

Tristan may appear like an angel to many but he's like any other toddler. When he was just an infant, tantrums from him were inconceivable to us. Everyone always told us how well behaved he was and we believed it too. The only time he would scream and get seriously mad was when he was super tired. Now, he can get mad at any time. Beware!

Tristan throws tantrums a couple times a day but they will only last a few minutes or less. The bad tantrums, which last 10 minutes or more happen once every couple of days or so. The frequency increases when he is under the weather or when he is lacking sleep. For instance, on days where he naps only 30 minutes, as opposed to 1 hour, he will likely lose his temper over the smallest and silliest things. Silly to us but a huge deal to him! When we are aware of this, we become extra careful in how we deal with him. If he doesn't eat all of his food, we're not going to insist as much. We have been pretty lucky in that Tristan has had most of his tantrums at home. He typically behaves well in the presence of other people and we stay home a lot too. So far, there has only been two embarrassing incidents of tantrums in public (knock on wood!). Here are some examples of situations that have resulted in tantrums:

• The procedure every morning is for Tristan to sit on the potty, while I clean his face, undress him and put on his shirt. One morning, he didn't want me to take off his pajamas. He wanted to keep them on and said he still wanted to sleep, but I knew he didn't. I took them off anyway and put on his shirt.
• The other day we were walking along the highway. There was a grass area that was on an upward incline and Tristan wanted to walk up. We allowed him to do it once but after that we said it was too dangerous and we had to go home. He refused to leave and kept trying to climb up. We had to carry him off. When he refused to walk with us, we gave him the option of walking or riding in the stroller. He was still in tantrum mode so we just put him in the stroller and walked away.
• Tristan was eating his orange for dessert. When I saw that he was throwing some on the floor, I yelled and asked if he was done. He said yes so I took it away. Then he said no and that he still wanted it so I gave it back to him. He proceeded to throw it on the floor. I then picked up the orange and carried it off. He cried, screamed, and refused to get off the highchair for 10 minutes.
  

Toddler tantrums are a mystery because as adults, we don't do that. We think logically and our brains are fully developed to allow us to control our tempers. It turns out that the part of the brain that is responsible for regulating emotion and controlling social behavior, the prefrontal cortex, PFC, is the last part of the brain to develop. The PFC starts to mature around the age of 4.

How do Jean-Louis and I deal with tantrums? We have learned to ignore the bad ones most of the time. If Tristan starts to get upset, we first try to talk with him and sometimes that distracts him. If that doesn't work and he is still fixated on what upsetted him, we leave him. A couple minutes later, we ask him if he is done being mad. Often, he says yes and then it's over. If he doesn't respond, we wait until he is more quiet before looking or talking to him again. We're also very firm with him. We don't want him to know that he can get his way just by throwing a fit. At the same time, we have to be careful when to allow him to make a decision and when we need to make a decision. Enforcing discipline also triggers tantrums. It's definitely not easy.

For the most part, Jean-Louis and I deal with tantrums in much the same way. He tends to be less patient than me so he likes to count to three and if the action still hasn't taken place, he will do it himself. For instance, Tristan like to press the button to start the coffee machine. If after counting to three and Tristan still hasn't come to press it, Jean-Louis will do it himself. Lately, I have been counting to three as well. I don't do this all the time though. What we do do all the time is carry out what we tell Tristan. If we make him a deal or if we say no to something, we don't change our minds. Everyone has their own way of handling tantrums and we could probably do better but so far it has been manageable. "Kids from about 18 months to 4 years are simply hardwired to misbehave." It's unavoidable, perfectly normal, and nothing we are doing wrong. Knowing this, I can't wait until Tristan is 5 :)

Daycare society barbecue

Our daycare society barbecue was suppose to take place last Friday but they had to reschedule it because of unpredictable weather. It turned out sunny that afternoon. This week, they decided to hold it regardless of the weather. Smart move! September weather is unpredictable in Vancouver. You have summer-like days and fall-like days and it will definitely include rain here and there. Delay barbecues any further and you will definitely be doing it in the rain.

It was overcast today with a few drizzles here and there. Besides this morning's rain, today was a good weather day. 18C is nice for this time of year.

There were hot dogs, various chips, pop, and juice. For activities, there were games and prizes. Most of the games were too advanced for Tristan but he played what he could. He collected two prizes: a bath toy boat and a little stuffed monkey. That's cool. We got home and accidentally found out that the little monkey was magnetic. The cute little monkey is now one super cool monkey! :)

There were a ton of people at the daycare barbecue. The place was packed with kids of all ages. There were pregnant moms, infants, older siblings, dads and at one point it felt a bit like a fair. There was too much stimulation for Tristan I think. This could partly explain why he was a bit rough with the other kids. He almost stepped on a kids hand on the slide, he tried to push away new kids that went on the slide and he closed the window of the play house outside on a girl's hand. It wasn't hard and no one got hurt but the gesture was just mean. One girl that got pushed, went to her mom and told on Tristan. The girl that got her finger crushed at the window cried a bit. What is up with Tristan tonight? The misbehaving and lousy mood did not end there. When it was milk time after his bath, he threw a fit for no reason at all. He wanted to climb in the chair in a particular way and when he couldn't do it himself, he had a fit. This is probably only about the second time he has ever acted like this.

All bad moods aside, we think that Tristan enjoyed being at the daycare barbecue. He enjoyed playing the games and the toys in the new room. I asked Jean-Louis and he thought it was lame but then again, it's him and he likes to give comments like that :) It was too bad we didn't really see any other kids and parents we knew. The society has over 80 kids but not all of them attend socials. Even most of the staff there was unfamiliar. This was definitely not what I had in mind. I actually thought we could talk to some of the parents in Tristan's toddler room. It was our first daycare social so now we will know what to expect for next time!