Monday, December 6, 2010

Tristan misses his daddy A LOT

Tristan is a daddy's boy. Ever since he was able to laugh and play, he had become a huge fan of his dad. After all, his dad is much like a kid himself and a big goof :)

Tristan spends more time with me than his dad. With me, a lot of the time is spent getting things done like feeding, cleaning up, getting dressed, and getting ready for daycare. We spend some fun times together and play but I'm usually quite exhausted to go on for too long. We also do not-so-fun things together like teeth brushing, nail cutting (used to be a nightmare but he seems fine with it now), nose aspirating, and soon hair cutting. Sometimes, I think he sees me as the evil parent. I have to be the evil parent because if Jean-Louis did these things, he would be the dangerous parent.

Tristan spends a lot of time with his dad. His dad gives him a bath and puts him to sleep at night. They play together while I get dinner ready every night. They don't see each other as much so they get to miss each other more. He miss his dad so much that it has become an inquiry about where his dad is when he sees me first. He doesn't always but he has been doing this a lot lately. For instance, I would go pick him up from daycare and he would ask where daddy is. Yeah, that is pretty much my greeting these days. Jean-Louis used to come pick Tristan up with me at daycare but now he is biking at home after work for his workout. When Tristan knows that Jean-Louis is home or if he has recently spent a lot of time with Jean-Louis, he would say "daddy do" because he prefers daddy to do it instead of me. I think he knows daddy will leave soon and he wants to get as much daddy time as possible.

Sometimes it's sad to see Tristan so sad because he misses his daddy. In the morning, he would get upset that I enter the room to get him. He would whimper and cry out for his daddy. This happens quite often even though I go get him five days a week. One day, I showed Tristan some video clips of us putting up the Christmas tree and Jean-Louis was in the video in the background playing an interactive game with him. There was music, laughter, and he could see himself and daddy in there together. After a few minutes of this, he had a sad face and started crying out daddy in the saddest voice. Watching the clips was making him realize that daddy wasn't home and made him miss daddy even more. I gave him a hug and I had to stop playing the clips. He's a sensitive boy.

On the weekend it can get bad too. He spends more time with daddy on the weekend than with me. This is because I sleep in in the morning, we go out shopping and it's mostly me shopping and Jean-Louis who watches Tristan in the mall, and I often cook on the weekend as well. Tristan loves being with his daddy but all the toddler clingyness becomes too much for Jean-Louis. By Sunday, Jean-Louis is often yelling at him and can't wait to get back to work on Monday morning. It's funny because Jean-Louis goes from being happy on Friday evening to feeling crappy and exhausted by as early as Saturday night. He is just not used to being around Tristan that much and he doesn't have as much patience as me. Because of all this, the weekend frustrations really stress me out too.

Sometimes I think Jean-Louis is too hard on Tristan. Sometimes I think he yells at him too much. But despite all this, Tristan still clings onto his dad and will cry out to him at night. He loves his daddy and his daddy is crazy about him too. It's wonderful to see, even though I'm the one he usually brushes off in favor of his dad :) In fact, he clings to us both but I have seen an increased preference towards his dad in the past couple of months. I used to hear other moms call the father of their child, "their kid's hero" but I never really understood what they meant. Now I do.


Anonymous said...

We have the opposite problem. Even though Sam is with me everyday all day she is obsessed with me! Yes, she loves her dad and they do LOTS of fun things together but she screams and throws huge fits when daddy tries to take over duties like hair brushing, teeth brushing, bathtime or bedtime. I have to make daddy do these things sometimes just to get a break and he does great fighting with her through all the tears but I know it is hard on everyone.
Sometimes I just don't understand the connections that kids make SO strongly to one parent or the other.

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