How to have a productive weekend with a baby

Typically, we try to cram work in on the weekend while we both take care of Tristan. This usually results in us both working on and off for stretches of 10 minutes at a time, taking our time to get started, and killing time either by playing games or surfing tabloid news. When Tristan finally naps, we both catch up on house chores. Then before we know it, the weekend is gone and we really got nothing done.

In an attempt to get more work done, this past weekend we decided to try something new. It has been taking us forever to finish our iPhone app and I really wanted Jean-Louis to get moving on all the development to-dos I outlined for him weeks ago. For myself, I had to work on our taxes since I'm the family and business accountant and our website is still a long way from being done. Before the weekend started, I proposed that we take turns working while the other took care of Tristan. I wanted us both to have 4 hours of work each in the day. I was like "Let's try it out just for a day and see how it works!" It was Jean-Louis' idea to split it into 2 hour shifts, which made more sense since I had to breastfeed about every 3 hours. All our work time was logged and once the shift was over, we would notify the other person and switch. When it was our turn to take care of Tristan, we were also responsible for house chores such as laundry or cooking. After breakfast on Saturday, we wasted no time. Our plan worked like a charm! With 2 hours of uninterrupted time at each sitting, we both got lots done! It worked so well that we both ended the day having trouble sleeping since we were thinking so much about work. The next day on Sunday, we went back to our slacking (sort of). Oh well! We're allowed one day to slack and bum around. Anyways, this weekend was productive so we'll definitely give this a go again next weekend :)

Monkey outfit from Gymboree

It has been awhile since I have posted photos of Tristan. These were taken yesterday and today. Tristan is wearing a monkey outfit my friend bought for him from Gymboree, with matching socks. The monkey bib was a gift from another friend.

How do you feel about "cry it out" strategies?

Tristan has been very restless in his sleep lately. Some times he's dreaming and our ignoring him for a few minutes seems to work and he drifts back to sleep. Yes, he's still in his crib in our room so we can hear every whimper he makes. The same goes for him - he can hear every noise we make when we turn in bed or when Jean-Louis snores. We still haven't determined when to move him into his own room but it's not that simple. I think the layout of our house sucks for having a baby but all this is another blog post! So, back to restlessness...

It's not that hard to put Tristan to sleep, especially if we use the pacifier. Then, he would sleep 4-6 hours straight and I would feed him sometime between 3 and 5AM and he would sleep another good stretch for around 4 hours. This was the case a month and a half ago. Now, after his night feeding, he would wake up after about 2 hours and on and on it goes until I finally drag the both of us out of bed at around 7 or 8AM. The quickest way to put him back to sleep is to use the pacifier but then he would cry after 10 minutes because he has dropped it. Depending on how tired we are, some times we rock him and then put him back down so we don't have to use the pacifier. If we are lucky, he will sleep 1 hour straight after that. On very bad days, I put him in bed with me, on Jean-Louis' side, and I sleep on my side as far away as I can. Yeah, last night was a tiring one (yawn, yawn...). I feel like our day is totally messed up because of it.

Jean-Louis and I want to sleep through the night. I know that compared to other parents, we actually have it pretty easy. We both have a lot of things to do during the day on top of taking care of Tristan and we just can't afford to be tired all the time. Sleeping through the night will really help. We're thinking of slowly implementing the "no cry method" for sleep training that is described on babycenter. If that doesn't work in 2 months, we'll try the "cry it out" method. I hope it doesn't have to come to that. I have to say subjecting little Tristan to the cry it out method makes me feel unkind and guilty. Jean-Louis on the other hand, has little problem with it. He's a lot more harsh when it comes to discipline. I believe in discipline too but Tristan is only 3 months old. I think I whined about this in the last blog post.

We'll start sleep training on a Friday night (maybe in 2 weeks, when he is 4 months old) since we are bound to lose even more sleep from trying this. Maybe I'll have to start drinking coffee the following week. This weekend, I would like to try to cut down on his pacifier addiction.

Frustrated with work and baby

Watching Jean-Louis tonight trying to rock a crying Tristan to sleep, made me realize we are just not enjoying parenthood like we should be. As he rocks the baby and seeing the look on his face I can't help but think he must think rocking a baby is such a waste of time (more like a burden and he wished he could be doing something else). Not sure if he is really thinking this all the time but that is what comes to my mind watching him rock Tristan. I know there is so much work he wants to get done these days that caring for Tristan will need to take a backseat for a bit. But then, that seems to always be the case. If it's not the work, it's something else.

Jean-Louis should really be enjoying the moment and be with Tristan now while he is still a baby. That is what I keep reminding him. He's 3 months old - just a baby and he won't be for much longer! Yeah.... watching them tonight was a bit of a wake up call for me. Although I'm not as bad, I'm also trying to work lots more too and as result I do have to neglect Tristan more. I have become a work-alcoholic and I think it's largely because Jean-Louis is one. This of course didn't happen overnight. We've been together for over 10 years and it was a gradual process. If he is working so much, what am I suppose to do by myself? So I made myself work more and more and now there are times I just can't stop what I'm doing at all! It's sort of sad, I know. Poor Tristan. When he gets older he will be like us - glued to the computer and always wanting to work :(

This week was a tough one for me. Alone with the baby by myself again, after getting used to having Daddy around for a month. I only managed to get in 10 hours of logged work time, which was already a challenge. I feel guilty as a paid consultant and guilty as a mother. It is exactly this that I was scared of. Until I learn how to manage my time better, I will not accept any more work. For this reason, I have explained to my former boss who I'm currently contracting for that I just can't work right now and that he should go ahead and find a replacement for me. My decision to do that was because of the nature of my job as their Information Architect. There is a lot of client communication, which means meetings over the phone, time pressure on milestones, and they really do need someone close to full time. I can't even do half time (20 hours a week). It's not possible unless I set up daycare or a babysitter for Tristan. I'm still working as a consultant for another guy but that work is more flexible and I can really work at it on my own time. It's actually more enjoyable because it's more academic and there isn't really any time pressure. It's a bit of a relief to say "no" and take on less work but I do hope to be able to log more time. Sorry Tristan! The time I do spend with Tristan, I will try to enjoy it more.

This week I visited a daycare nearby. The Burnaby Children Centres Society is just a 10 minute walk away. It was the first time I left the house alone with Tristan. It was quite the chore to get there, with getting dressed and everything. Actually, it was the first time I left the house in 6 days. Yeah, I know - I'm terrible. Anyway, the daycare seems good. They are licensed to take 82 kids and there seems to be a lot of fun things for kids to do. If I was a little kid, I would love it there! Their little kids potty room is adorable :) They have music class once a week, French class, theme days etc. I'm hoping to get in for part time care starting this summer but I'm 100 something at the bottom of a wait list. I was basically told to get myself a backup plan. Oh boy! I'm not surprised though.

Interview with Daddy about his parental leave

Wow, it has been a month already since Jean-Louis has been home with Tristan and I. Where did all that time go! It certainly was useful having him around and I'm not looking forward to being alone again next week :( I know I won't be able to get as much work done anymore. Good thing we have a lot of leftover food.

Jean-Louis' parental leave now comes to a close and he will return to work on Monday. I thought I would take this chance to interview him about his experience at home with little Tristan. Below is the outcome of that interview :)

Susan: What made you decide to take a leave from work?

Jean-Louis: Well, you needed more time to work. At the same time I wanted to spend more time bonding with Tristan (and I wanted to work on my own projects).

Susan: What was your goal when you started?

Jean-Louis: There was no goal really. To submit our iPhone app :)

Susan: Describe your typical day with Tristan while you were on leave.

Jean-Louis: Early diaper duty, tummy time, more diaper duty, crying (for the baby, that is), nap time, play time, lots of carrying around, bath time assistance, more crying, and bed time.

Susan: How valuable was it to have me at home as well?

Jean-Louis: Since, you're breastfeeding, it's quite valuable. For guidance and for you to take him if I can't console him... it was quite valuable.

Susan: Could you have handled it all on your own from 9-5 Monday to Friday?

Jean-Louis: No. I would have gone crazy.

Susan: You took 1 month off for your parental leave. Was it enough?

Jean-Louis: Well, enough to bond with Tristan but not enough for the app (laugh, laugh...)

Susan: In that time, would you say that you have "bonded" with Tristan?

Jean-Louis: Yeah, I think so.

Susan: Was it what you expected?

Jean-Louis: It was better than what I expected in terms of dealing with the baby. I thought it would be more tiring and busier.

Susan: Are you glad you took parental leave? Would you do it again?

Jean-Louis: Yes. Definitely.

Susan: For all those expectant fathers out there, what advice could you offer them about taking a leave from work?

Jean-Louis: Make sure you don't start out by yourself the first few days. You need to slowly get used to caring for your baby. Make sure you keep a bit of time for yourself so that you don't get consumed by the baby.

Working at home with a small infant - is it possible?

I tried finding answers to this because as a new parent staying home with a baby for 3 months now, I'm feeling the need to work regularly again.  Besides, I've got to return soon since I promised :(  It will also be good for my self-esteem if I can work again soon.  I really do need to work; not for the money but to keep up work and not hurt my career.  In fact, with the part time work I expect to do, I wouldn't be making much since my earnings would need to be deducted from the maternity benefits I'm collecting.  Here, in BC, we cannot earn self-employment income while we collect maternity/parental benefits.  The system is totally unfair but that is a totally different blog post!

Anyway, It's not like I have done nothing in the past 3 months. I have managed to squeezed in 1-4 hours of work on the computer each day but it's not enough. Well, 4 hours a day is too much and I don't expect to do that, especially since it was with Jean-Louis home helping me. Also, for the first month, I couldn't do more than check my email and fill out forms and cards to send out.

Is it possible to work at home while taking care of a baby without any help? How do other work-at-home-moms do it? I googled and found some good responses from this parents network site.  What I found was that although it is possible and some super-moms can do it with a fairly easy baby, most say it's not doable unless there is help around like a nanny or babysitter.  Well, there are other factors too such as what kind of work you do from home and how old your baby is.  In fact, after 3 months, babies require more focused attention from you. 

With Tristan, he can't crawl yet so I don't have to keep an eye on him constantly but he does cry a lot still.  He likes to be carried and talked to.  Plus, he doesn't nap for long periods of time... well, some days he does.  I'm thinking if it's hard now, it will only get harder once he's crawling, sleeping less in the day, and especially when he is walking!  If he's an active baby, he won't want us to cage him up in a play pen all day.  For those super-moms out there who are new parents and have to work at home with a small infant, how do you get things done on the computer without any help? Would part of the answer be a swing or jumper?  What is the reasonable amount of work to expect?  This is what I would like to know.

I found a site that has questions to help you evaluate whether or not you could work at home with an infant.  I only answered "yes" to 3 of the 11 questions so according to that, I should re-evaluate my decision to work again.  If I don't, I'll be setting myself up for failure.  Not sure I like that.

Canada Child Tax and Universal Child Care Benefit and others

We have just received notice about all the tax and child care benefits we applied for back in November. Yes, it took that long to be processed. For the Universal Child Care benefit, $100 is paid per month to all parents for each child under 6 years of age.  Every parent gets this, regardless of their income.  For the Canada Child Tax benefit, we didn't qualify for much since it's computed based on your family income.  We didn't qualify for any BC Family Bonus either.

While I'm on the subject of applications and forms, I'm a bit surprised some of them took so long to be processed.  Perhaps it is normal or maybe they were delayed due to the winter holidays??  Whatever the reason, we have finally gotten all our responses today.  When we were about to leave Burnaby General Hospital with our new baby, we were given a package of forms.  The Child Tax and Child Care benefits were among them.  Also included were the form for registering the baby's birth and ordering a birth certificate, which had the option for also requesting the baby's social insurance number (SIN), and the health form for his Care card through the Medical Services Plan (MSP).  The baby's birth certificate came in just one week (probably since it was optional and you have to pay for it), followed by the SIN card soon after.  The Care card took like 2 months.  When you call about it, the recorded message actually tells you that it takes around 8 weeks.  In the time being, the baby is covered under the mother's card.